Ass s
Articles by Ass s
Holier than thou
Illustration: DIWAKAR CHHETRIEven as the entire nation gets ready for another week of holidays this month, we have to grudgingly accept that…
Nepalis in India’s arsenal
Many of you pulled me aside at a recent diplomatic soirée to ask if it is a coincidence that on the week that Pushpa Kamal Dahal (Prachanda)…
Dasain is postponed
Photo: MONIKA DEUPALAThe Ass has been reminded that this paper takes a break over Dasain, and we skip one issue next week. Yay! Also, there is a…
The Order of the Bath
As soon as the cannons at Tundikhel rudely woke up neighbourhood dogs on Monday morning, we knew it was time to make haste and celebrate another…
VVVVIPs
Photo: Amit Machamasi/NT ArchiveAs Nepalis, we value our relationship with the international community so much that we are willing to sacrifice…
Exit visas for Nepalis
Nepalis are the most experienced people when it comes to having their visa applications rejected. Except for São Tomé and Príncipe and India, we…
Twerking at Tij
Despite where the Gender Inequality Index may rank Nepal, this country is taking rapid strides to achieve equality among men, women, and…
Nepal’s horrorscope
It is only when a people start worrying about their future that they strive for betterment. Contrary to what many negativists think, Nepal does…
Amendments to Commandments
The fact that Nepalis lack self-esteem should not be seen as a liability. The Ass sees it as an asset.We don’t have to wait for others to…
Off-road signs
We in Nepal have to periodically remind motorists of traffic rules, and any revisions that have been made in regulations when they were not…
Turning Nepal into Singapore
During the Panchayat, Nepal’s absolute rulers promised to lift the country to ‘Asian Standards’. What they forgot to spell out was whether they…
Awesome stuff
The Ass can’t figure out what the big deal is about PKD suddenly dashing off to Delhi. It is a time-honoured ritual for Nepal’s leaders to visit…
Statue of The Ass
Thanks to our elected leaders, we finally have a solution to the problem of the unspent development budget: build statues.Great Leader Comrade…
Un-resident Nepalis
So, it seems Non-Resident Nepalis will now get the same facilities as Nepalis-in-residence. Which begs the question: if Nepalihood was such a…
Feedback questionnaire
As Nepal tries to revive its tourism industry, it would be a good idea to hand out Visitor Feedback Questionnaires for dear and departing…
Fly-by-Night Airlines
Ladies and gentlemen and dear customers, we will now take you away from our regular programming to some breaking news being streamed live on FB…
First, the good news
There comes a time in every journo’s career when we get tired of being the purveyors of only bad news. It is our duty to set that right, so we…
Muckraking in ‘Mandu
Nepal’s post-Covid planners need a different tactic. Trying to convince people around the world to visit Nepal because it is there is not…
Taxman cometh
Comrade Janardan announced a hefty increase in all kinds of taxes in his budget speech to Parliament. The grabberment cannot function without…
Symbolic symbols
Ang Kami Sherpa just broke his own record to climb Mt Everest for the 26th time last week. Also aspiring to be in the Guinness Book is Prime…
The Great Yawn
To make a country great again, one prerequisite is that citizens must respect their leader.The Chinese people hold President Xi Jinping in high…
Crocodile tears
Illustration: DIWAKAR CHETTRII wouldn’t blame any of my valued customers if they failed to notice that May 8th was World Donkey Day. Thank you…
Freedom of the wild ass
All of us here in Assdom were pleasantly surprised this week to see that Nepal’s rankings in the World Press Freedom Index has improved by leaps…
Working our asses off
The wellbeing of every country on Earth can be measured by how much leisure time its citizens have. Industrialised nations are so productive…