The Ass
Articles by The Ass
VACANCY
A volunteer Ass is needed with immediate effect for a newspaper of records in a federal democratic kleptocratic Himalayan republic in which the…
Glad tidings
As the Earth attempts to complete its 2,022nd orbit around the Sun since the virgin birth of Baby Jesus, I have both good news and bad news.
Errata, etc
As the guardians of the Fourth Estate, it is our job to tell it like it is, and let the potato chips fall where they may. Every once in a while, however, there are facts that need to be tweaked.
Self-driving in Kathmandu
Now that Elon Musk’s self-driving Beta is available in North America, it is only a question of time before autonomous vehicles arrive in Kathmandu. After that, we can all sit back, relax in the co-pilot seat while the autonomous vehicle is pulled over for overspeeding and driving under the influence.
Relocating Kathmandu
There is no question that Kathmandu has now become unliveable, and we need to think about moving. There is a proposal to relocate the capital so…
Symbolic elections
Don’t be an ass. Get out and vote, even if it is for a serial politician who has been given the chance to ruin this country several times over…
Election dos and don’ts
The Chief Election Commissar is a busy hombre these days. With the intention of cracking down on violations of the election Code of Conduct, he…
Why Nepalis are so happy
You may not have noticed, but things in Nepal are getting better and better each passing day. Every day in every way, things are improving. And…
Defending Nepal
As some of you more alert readers may have surmised by now, we live in perilous times. Besides an impending climate catastrophe and more…
Holy Matrimoney
As some of you disgustingly young whippersnappers of reproductive age who tied the nuptial knots of holy matrimony during the human breeding…
Bigger fish to fry
Many of us are suffering from post-Dasai Tihar withdrawal symptoms. This is a recognised psychological syndrome wherein an individual is forced…
Ass Tihar
You might have noticed that the Festival of Lights is called Tihar in Nepal. This is unfortunate, because that is also the name of the…
Sons of bitches
It’s that time of year again when dogs are gods in Catmandu, and as we involuntarily get the urge to raise our hind-legs when passing a…
Judging a car by its looks
Many alert readers will have noticed that cars — like dogs — resemble their owners. In fact, there is a striking facial similarity between a…
Meddling with medals
Every year, Nepal honours people who have imparted yeoman’s service to the nation so that things do not get from bad to worse. Thanks to the…
Filled your CCMC form?
As an adventure destination, Nepal’s policy has always been to make it as thrilling as possible for tourists who visit the country with…
Garbage in, garbage out
Photo: AMIT MACHAMASIThe good people of Okharpauwa in Nuwakot finally signed a ceasefire agreement with the litterbugs of Kathmandu last week to…
CPN (Asinine)
It doesn’t look like anyone is about to give Prime Minister Brave Lion a honeymoon period. The same folks who were baying for Oli’s blood are…
Men's fashion trends
Many of us are reluctant to shed cosy illusions and want to go on pretending that everything is hunky dory in the Dramatic Cellular Femoral…
Skeletons in the Cabinet
Coalition politics brings out the best in a democracy. The five-party anti-Oli alliance has been in grabberment for less than a month and it…
Hi-Level Mechanism
Nepal is serious about democracy, and that is why we have to keep restoring it every decade or so because we believe in government for the…
I spy
We fail to understand the big hoo-hah in India about the gobarment there using the Israeli-designed Pegasus software to infect the WhatsApp of…
Nepal’s Olympic dreams
Now the Euro Cup fever is over (“Forza Italia!”) and we have all caught up with much-needed sleep, let us gear up for the Tokyo Virtual Olympics…
Republic of animals
Nepal’s Supreme Leader is Lord Pashupatinath, the ruler of all animules. As the country's patron deity, Pashupatinath has our backs at all…