Backside
VACANCY
A volunteer Ass is needed with immediate effect for a newspaper of records in a federal democratic kleptocratic Himalayan republic in which the…
Glad tidings
As the Earth attempts to complete its 2,022nd orbit around the Sun since the virgin birth of Baby Jesus, I have both good news and bad news.
Errata, etc
As the guardians of the Fourth Estate, it is our job to tell it like it is, and let the potato chips fall where they may. Every once in a while, however, there are facts that need to be tweaked.
Self-driving in Kathmandu
Now that Elon Musk’s self-driving Beta is available in North America, it is only a question of time before autonomous vehicles arrive in Kathmandu. After that, we can all sit back, relax in the co-pilot seat while the autonomous vehicle is pulled over for overspeeding and driving under the influence.
Relocating Kathmandu
There is no question that Kathmandu has now become unliveable, and we need to think about moving. There is a proposal to relocate the capital so…
Symbolic elections
Don’t be an ass. Get out and vote, even if it is for a serial politician who has been given the chance to ruin this country several times over…
Election dos and don’ts
The Chief Election Commissar is a busy hombre these days. With the intention of cracking down on violations of the election Code of Conduct, he…
Why Nepalis are so happy
You may not have noticed, but things in Nepal are getting better and better each passing day. Every day in every way, things are improving. And…
Holier than thou
Illustration: DIWAKAR CHHETRIEven as the entire nation gets ready for another week of holidays this month, we have to grudgingly accept that…
Nepalis in India’s arsenal
Many of you pulled me aside at a recent diplomatic soirée to ask if it is a coincidence that on the week that Pushpa Kamal Dahal (Prachanda)…
Dasain is postponed
Photo: MONIKA DEUPALAThe Ass has been reminded that this paper takes a break over Dasain, and we skip one issue next week. Yay! Also, there is a…
The Order of the Bath
As soon as the cannons at Tundikhel rudely woke up neighbourhood dogs on Monday morning, we knew it was time to make haste and celebrate another…
VVVVIPs
Photo: Amit Machamasi/NT ArchiveAs Nepalis, we value our relationship with the international community so much that we are willing to sacrifice…
Exit visas for Nepalis
Nepalis are the most experienced people when it comes to having their visa applications rejected. Except for São Tomé and Príncipe and India, we…
Twerking at Tij
Despite where the Gender Inequality Index may rank Nepal, this country is taking rapid strides to achieve equality among men, women, and…
Nepal’s horrorscope
It is only when a people start worrying about their future that they strive for betterment. Contrary to what many negativists think, Nepal does…
Amendments to Commandments
The fact that Nepalis lack self-esteem should not be seen as a liability. The Ass sees it as an asset.We don’t have to wait for others to…
Off-road signs
We in Nepal have to periodically remind motorists of traffic rules, and any revisions that have been made in regulations when they were not…
Turning Nepal into Singapore
During the Panchayat, Nepal’s absolute rulers promised to lift the country to ‘Asian Standards’. What they forgot to spell out was whether they…
Awesome stuff
The Ass can’t figure out what the big deal is about PKD suddenly dashing off to Delhi. It is a time-honoured ritual for Nepal’s leaders to visit…
Statue of The Ass
Thanks to our elected leaders, we finally have a solution to the problem of the unspent development budget: build statues.Great Leader Comrade…
Un-resident Nepalis
So, it seems Non-Resident Nepalis will now get the same facilities as Nepalis-in-residence. Which begs the question: if Nepalihood was such a…
Feedback questionnaire
As Nepal tries to revive its tourism industry, it would be a good idea to hand out Visitor Feedback Questionnaires for dear and departing…
Fly-by-Night Airlines
Ladies and gentlemen and dear customers, we will now take you away from our regular programming to some breaking news being streamed live on FB…